There Doesn’t Seem to Be Anybody Who Agrees With ME: Discussing the Miss California USA Scandal

“We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite. And you know what, I think in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised.” –Miss California USA’s answer to whether or not she agrees with gay marriage

Miss California USA has shown me the light.

For years, this ex-pageant girl (me) struggled with the topic of debate. I always got really nervous in debate class in high school, because nine times out of 10 I can see both sides and my passion generally only lies in meeting in the middle like a spineless flounder. What can I say; I really do like world peace.

There was a time when I used to hide my pageant past like a dark secret. The reason behind it was not because I thought I’d be associated with being a dumb blonde, I’m not dumb and I’m not blonde, so physically I don’t really have to worry about looking too much the part. The reason was that I saw the decline of the pageantry world, fueled by the media’s insatiable need to expose attractive, polite, socially-conscious young women for what they really are: demons. To be fair, I have criticized the pageant world for a long time now, separating it into two worlds: those who did Miss America, and those who did Miss USA. As a former Miss America Organization (MAO) competitor, I looked down on the Trump Corporation-owned Miss USA/Universe as nothing short of a T and A-fest. (Really, who the hell is Trump to judge physical beauty?) Whether that’s true or not doesn’t really matter in this article.

I write this as an insider, a mole. I write this as a person who has really been there, on stage, sweating and smiling and singing Andrew Lloyd Webber. I have stood there while old people judged my 20-year-old body from one to 10. Do I think it was a good experience? Absolutely. Do I see why people hate pageants? Yes.

The Q and A segment is terrifying but it teaches you about society, at least in my experience in the MAO circuit. I was asked everything from how I felt about unions to whether or not schools should distribute condoms. But the most inane question I was ever asked stuck with me the most. A judge asked me, “If you win Miss Knoxville would you cut your hair if we told you to?” How incredibly stupid, I thought. So I answered, “If someone asked me to cut my hair the way they wanted just because I wear their crown, I’d probably shave it off.”

I did not win Miss Knoxville.

Everything in life is a performance. Whether you’re an anarchist or a conservative analyst, we ALL put on a show. When people get all hot and bothered about pageants, I explain this. I explain that wanting your son to be a star football player is exploitation. Wanting your child to be a successful lawyer is exploitation. It’s all about presentation, and whether or not your family is going to brag about you during the holidays.

How you choose to answer difficult questions, whether on stage in front of thousands (sweating, oh the sweat) or during a meeting with your boss, also must be carefully calculated. You must know your audience, you must assess their comfort level and you must perform. But wait, that isn’t free speech, is it?

Poor Carrie Prejean. She was stuck in a no-win situation by a bully. A bully, carefully guised as a supporter of civil rights. When Perez Hilton asked Prejean her thoughts on gay marriage, he had no intention of actually hearing her opinion, much like most people do when talking to someone: he only wanted confirmation that his opinion was correct. And he judged her, literally and figuratively, for her HONEST opinion. After the show, the openly gay blogger/judge implied that he was outraged that she would answer a question as such.

Honestly. He didn’t want her to answer honestly. He wanted her to answer correctly, politely, and prettily. He wanted her to lie, to win a prize, like a puppy. Oh he judged her all right, he has made no bones about it that her question affected her final score.

I’m not so sure if it’s appropriate to interject my personal opinions into this matter, but since everyone else is doing it, I will. First, I support gay marriage. I am a Christian. Lots of people think I’m a hypocrite for this. But as Prejean said, she lives in “her America” and I live in mine. Second, as a pageant follower, I don’t think she answered the question that well. It is impressive that she held to her convictions without reservation or hesitation, but from a technical standpoint, she could have done better (yep, I’m judging). For one thing, you should never say “no offense to so and so.” You’re going to say it anyway, so that’s just bunk. Also, I don’t think she meant to sound high and mighty, but when dealing with a controversial issue, it’s always best to avoid coming across that you were raised properly and those who disagree with you were not.

I do not write this to lambast her. It is easy for me to formulate these opinions after the fact, but lord knows I have stood on that stage and vomited some of the most ridiculous drivel known to man, because I’ve not only had a time and word limit, but I realized that I needed to make sure that that every single judge understood and agreed with me. An impossible task. In fact, I write this to applaud Prejean. I completely disagree with her, but I know that she had a choice to make and she chose what was in her heart, she chose what she believed her family and her church wanted to hear, and that’s OK.

Miss California USA has shown me the light, but it’s a grainy, dim one indeed. She has shown me that depending on what current civil state you live in, if you don’t say what is deemed appropriate at the time, people will not crown you Miss USA. A lot of people will not like you (I’m looking at you MSNBC). Some will like you so much that they make you into a celebrity for their “cause” (I’m looking at you Fox News). And something Perez Hilton needs to remember is that gay people are not the only people who are ridiculed and taunted. Hot blondes in bikinis? Definitely ridiculed for being nothing more than a piece of ass. I’ll bet you her whole life Prejean has fought that stereotype…and of course, by being a contestant in Miss USA she has given in, but it’s her body, it’s her opinion, and yes, even a hot blonde in a bikini professing her faith has the opportunity to say what’s on her mind. Call her a hypocrite, but Mr. “Equality for All” Hilton showed that he really isn’t all about equal opinions.

So now, when faced with the spotlight, I know that I will not be able to win. I know that I can answer a question honestly, or I can answer it to be rewarded.